Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Monday, November 22, 2010
I See the Beauty
“Oooh. Look there. That's beautiful.” The reds, yellows and greens that paint the landscape are breathtaking this time of year. You don't need to go to New England to see the colors change for fall. We have our own art show right here in the Sacramento Valley.
As much as our eye is caught by the brilliant colors and we are taken for a moment by the sheer beauty of it, we also take our ability to appreciate beauty for granted. And yet, it may be something more developed in humans than in any other species and exercising that part of our brain, the part that perceives beauty, can change our lives. It changes our lives because we can't perceive beauty without appreciation, a form of gratitude.
I recommend to people to take a beauty break a few times each day. Colored leaves and sunsets are easy to notice. What is less easy to take account of and possibly more important is the beauty of things right around us. It can be the simple things and the small things that count the most. It can be the way a curtain folds and falls to the floor, a passing cloud, the negative shapes of the sky between tall buildings, the watery reflections of passing people in a store window, the repeated pattern of neat rows of books on shelves, the sound of birds, the softness of carpeting or a mohair coat.
Do this experiment. Right where you are now, notice how you are feeling. And now find something in your environment that is beautiful. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so the object you find beautiful does not need to have something special about it, you just need to find the beauty in it. Then savor that beauty. Enjoy it. It only takes a moment but it is a good moment. Now notice once again how you are feeling. Notice the difference? Of course, this feeling, like all feelings, will fade but there is nothing that prevents you from taking a beauty break when ever you want to feel this way.
And here is another suggestion. Go for a beauty walk. Walk for a half an hour or an hour looking for beautiful things along the way. Because beauty is what you imbue things with, it is your perception after all, there is no end to the amount of beauty you can see along the way.
Enjoy!
As much as our eye is caught by the brilliant colors and we are taken for a moment by the sheer beauty of it, we also take our ability to appreciate beauty for granted. And yet, it may be something more developed in humans than in any other species and exercising that part of our brain, the part that perceives beauty, can change our lives. It changes our lives because we can't perceive beauty without appreciation, a form of gratitude.
I recommend to people to take a beauty break a few times each day. Colored leaves and sunsets are easy to notice. What is less easy to take account of and possibly more important is the beauty of things right around us. It can be the simple things and the small things that count the most. It can be the way a curtain folds and falls to the floor, a passing cloud, the negative shapes of the sky between tall buildings, the watery reflections of passing people in a store window, the repeated pattern of neat rows of books on shelves, the sound of birds, the softness of carpeting or a mohair coat.
Do this experiment. Right where you are now, notice how you are feeling. And now find something in your environment that is beautiful. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so the object you find beautiful does not need to have something special about it, you just need to find the beauty in it. Then savor that beauty. Enjoy it. It only takes a moment but it is a good moment. Now notice once again how you are feeling. Notice the difference? Of course, this feeling, like all feelings, will fade but there is nothing that prevents you from taking a beauty break when ever you want to feel this way.
And here is another suggestion. Go for a beauty walk. Walk for a half an hour or an hour looking for beautiful things along the way. Because beauty is what you imbue things with, it is your perception after all, there is no end to the amount of beauty you can see along the way.
Enjoy!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The Unhappy Critic
Many of us find ourselves being critical of other people and life situations. We complain when someone drives while talking on the phone, we remark when the line at the grocery store is too long and store clerks are not properly deployed, we notice with irritation that someone was hasty, dismissing or rude. You might say that is a natural response and perhaps it is.
In my younger years I attempted to be a classical musician. As I advanced in my art I became more and more critical with the performances I was hearing. I became acutely aware not only errors of tempo, intonation and notes, but of historically incorrect interpretation, or what seemed to me to be a dull performance. Being a critic gave me a feeling of power and superiority. It made me feel good about myself even if I did not enjoy a performance.
What I noticed is that the world-class musicians who were my teachers did not function like that. Instead of finding fault, they were able to recognize the jewels in even a frankly bad performance. Whereas I had become a cynic, they found joy in the attempts of their students.
What I came to realize is that being a cynical critic is intellectually facile. It is way too easy to use hindsight, as it were, and objective observation to criticize others. Much more intellect is required to appreciate other's attempts at doing something, to understand and accept other's limitations, to understand that someone may be struggling with difficulties that are beyond his or her knowledge, understanding or control.
Making the shift from being a cynical critic to being someone who is understanding and accepting makes a huge difference in how one experiences the world and life. Quite simply, it makes one happier. You may not feel as powerful or superior but which would you prefer: to be a powerful and superior, unhappy critic or the person who can find enjoyment in most things and acceptance of the rest?
In my younger years I attempted to be a classical musician. As I advanced in my art I became more and more critical with the performances I was hearing. I became acutely aware not only errors of tempo, intonation and notes, but of historically incorrect interpretation, or what seemed to me to be a dull performance. Being a critic gave me a feeling of power and superiority. It made me feel good about myself even if I did not enjoy a performance.
What I noticed is that the world-class musicians who were my teachers did not function like that. Instead of finding fault, they were able to recognize the jewels in even a frankly bad performance. Whereas I had become a cynic, they found joy in the attempts of their students.
What I came to realize is that being a cynical critic is intellectually facile. It is way too easy to use hindsight, as it were, and objective observation to criticize others. Much more intellect is required to appreciate other's attempts at doing something, to understand and accept other's limitations, to understand that someone may be struggling with difficulties that are beyond his or her knowledge, understanding or control.
Making the shift from being a cynical critic to being someone who is understanding and accepting makes a huge difference in how one experiences the world and life. Quite simply, it makes one happier. You may not feel as powerful or superior but which would you prefer: to be a powerful and superior, unhappy critic or the person who can find enjoyment in most things and acceptance of the rest?
Friday, September 17, 2010
Why We Dance
What most of us do is sit and think all day. We might wiggle our fingers on a keyboard, but for the most part, our body is simply a conveyance for our brains. I don't think this is how man is meant to live.
We have an extraordinary ability to think and to learn. Our culture prizes this ability beyond all else. But how we are meant to live is through our bodies in contact and harmony with our surroundings. Thinking becomes a tool, like your hand. Where would we be without hands? But when you think about it, hands are very limited in what they can do. They can't digest food, they can't dream, they can procreate.
Becoming embodied, that is, to fully inhabit our bodies, to let our bodies provide our experience, and to let our bodies be expressive, is to be more fully human. As Gabriel Roth said, "The quickest way to quiet the mind is the move the body."
It is in quieting the mind and becoming embodied that we become more fully human as well as more aware of being part of the great Oneness of all things. Most of us have precious few opportunities for this sort of experience in our lives and yet it is what we yearn for.
It is my experiences at dance events that I had some of the first and most powerful experiences of my self since I was a child. I continue to revel in this uncensored, spiritual play of human animal responding to the beat of the music. What I experience is joy, peace, bliss.
Cognitive neuroscience tells us that when improvising to music, the right and left hemispheres and the limbic system, the emotional brain, are balanced and integrated. When that happens we experience joy, peace and bliss. This is the state we are meant to be in most of the time. This is what it is like to be balanced, responsive to one's surroundings, flowing and free and flexible, active and centered. This is why we dance.
We have an extraordinary ability to think and to learn. Our culture prizes this ability beyond all else. But how we are meant to live is through our bodies in contact and harmony with our surroundings. Thinking becomes a tool, like your hand. Where would we be without hands? But when you think about it, hands are very limited in what they can do. They can't digest food, they can't dream, they can procreate.
Becoming embodied, that is, to fully inhabit our bodies, to let our bodies provide our experience, and to let our bodies be expressive, is to be more fully human. As Gabriel Roth said, "The quickest way to quiet the mind is the move the body."
It is in quieting the mind and becoming embodied that we become more fully human as well as more aware of being part of the great Oneness of all things. Most of us have precious few opportunities for this sort of experience in our lives and yet it is what we yearn for.
It is my experiences at dance events that I had some of the first and most powerful experiences of my self since I was a child. I continue to revel in this uncensored, spiritual play of human animal responding to the beat of the music. What I experience is joy, peace, bliss.
Cognitive neuroscience tells us that when improvising to music, the right and left hemispheres and the limbic system, the emotional brain, are balanced and integrated. When that happens we experience joy, peace and bliss. This is the state we are meant to be in most of the time. This is what it is like to be balanced, responsive to one's surroundings, flowing and free and flexible, active and centered. This is why we dance.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Who's to Blame?
I got two interesting comments from my last post. They interested me because they both said the same thing and were unexpected to me. Essentially what the commentators said was that if someone is not able to make the choice to be happy because of some condition or circumstance, then my argument blames them and that blame is unjustifiable. I can't help but agree. Blaming is unjustifiable.
It is my observation that blame attempts to find a cause and effect relationship or to find an explanation in an attempt to resolve a problem or to prevent harm from occurring again in the future. According to Tennen and Affleck (1990), blaming comes from an attributional style. It places responsibility for events outside of the person and onto someone or something else.
What is more interesting to me is the question of who does not blame and what happens to them? Again, according to Tennena and Affleck, “One [style] is the person's ability to find the good or benefit in a bad situation. This ability is characterized by statements such as 'Maybe it is for the better,' and 'Some good may come out of this.' Similarly, people who tend to make downward comparisons (e.g., 'I am fortunate for what I have. Others have lost so much more.') are less likely to blame others.”
Martin Seligman includes this ability to find good in bad situations and to make downward comparisons as part of learned optimism. In other words, we can all learn to find good in bad situations and make downward comparisons and blame less. Of course, it would take some practice and creativity for many of us to learn to do it. But the payoff is big. It is a tool, which, if well practiced, can help us cope with enormous tragedy and disappointment. It can also help us preserve our good relationships with other people. Knowing that you have the ability to overcome great difficulty without shifting responsibility to someone or something else brings with it a sense of confidence and maturity that is hard to shake.
There is one comment that I am already anticipating and that is that some people have a tendency to blame themselves even when the blame is not justifiable. Again, I think this comes from an attempt to find a cause and effect relationship or to find an explanation in an attempt to resolve a problem or to prevent harm. However, blaming oneself doesn't accomplish that end but is an end-point in itself. It puts the self at the center rather than defining and solving the problem at the center. So while you may be the person responsible, blaming yourself does not help. Blaming yourself is a distraction and makes you feel bad. Feeling bad is not a good place to be if you need to solve or prevent a problem. In these cases, if you place the problem outside of the self, without blaming anyone else, you can get a good look at it and then find a solution.
Here's a bit of advice for couples. It is not uncommon to blame one another for your unhappiness and the cause of your disagreements and fighting. It is far more useful to look at the repeated pattern of interaction that leads to the disagreements and your pattern of fighting, and work on changing that. Neither of you is to blame as you are both caught in the same pattern. By shifting your attention from blaming to the problematical patterns of interaction, you have a good chance of feeling better about each other and working together for change.
It is my observation that blame attempts to find a cause and effect relationship or to find an explanation in an attempt to resolve a problem or to prevent harm from occurring again in the future. According to Tennen and Affleck (1990), blaming comes from an attributional style. It places responsibility for events outside of the person and onto someone or something else.
What is more interesting to me is the question of who does not blame and what happens to them? Again, according to Tennena and Affleck, “One [style] is the person's ability to find the good or benefit in a bad situation. This ability is characterized by statements such as 'Maybe it is for the better,' and 'Some good may come out of this.' Similarly, people who tend to make downward comparisons (e.g., 'I am fortunate for what I have. Others have lost so much more.') are less likely to blame others.”
Martin Seligman includes this ability to find good in bad situations and to make downward comparisons as part of learned optimism. In other words, we can all learn to find good in bad situations and make downward comparisons and blame less. Of course, it would take some practice and creativity for many of us to learn to do it. But the payoff is big. It is a tool, which, if well practiced, can help us cope with enormous tragedy and disappointment. It can also help us preserve our good relationships with other people. Knowing that you have the ability to overcome great difficulty without shifting responsibility to someone or something else brings with it a sense of confidence and maturity that is hard to shake.
There is one comment that I am already anticipating and that is that some people have a tendency to blame themselves even when the blame is not justifiable. Again, I think this comes from an attempt to find a cause and effect relationship or to find an explanation in an attempt to resolve a problem or to prevent harm. However, blaming oneself doesn't accomplish that end but is an end-point in itself. It puts the self at the center rather than defining and solving the problem at the center. So while you may be the person responsible, blaming yourself does not help. Blaming yourself is a distraction and makes you feel bad. Feeling bad is not a good place to be if you need to solve or prevent a problem. In these cases, if you place the problem outside of the self, without blaming anyone else, you can get a good look at it and then find a solution.
Here's a bit of advice for couples. It is not uncommon to blame one another for your unhappiness and the cause of your disagreements and fighting. It is far more useful to look at the repeated pattern of interaction that leads to the disagreements and your pattern of fighting, and work on changing that. Neither of you is to blame as you are both caught in the same pattern. By shifting your attention from blaming to the problematical patterns of interaction, you have a good chance of feeling better about each other and working together for change.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Happiness is a choice
It sure seems like it is things that make us happy. Those things, either object or events, can seem to happen either randomly, or more often to other people than to us. What you may not realize is that you can choose to be happy.
Let me tell you a story. Recently I came to the realization that I would have to admit defeat and give up something that is very important and precious to me. In talking about it I could not help but weep and when alone I cried big sobs. I was very unhappy and this unhappiness was lasting for days. My mind kept trying to find some way to not admit defeat, not give up, to salvage something of what was so important to me.
Then I began to chastise myself. I try to teach people how to be happy and I'm spending my time being miserable. I not only felt unhappy about my loss, but also ashamed of myself. Then a small voice came to me and said, “Why don't you apply the things you know to become happy?”
That's an interesting question. Indeed, why not? I came up with two reasons. The first one is simply that I had not thought of it. I had been thinking about how to change the situation and not at all about how to make myself happy. The other reason is that somehow feeling so bad felt good. Maybe that's not quite it. A bad thing was happening to me so I should feel bad. And feeling bad was communicating to me and to others how important a loss I was experiencing. Now, having done that, do I need to keep feeling bad or can I move on and be happy?
I made the choice to be happy. Just making that choice alone relieved me of some of the sadness I had been feeling. I knew enough to enjoy that little bit of relief and to savor it. As the day went on I found that I had to make the choice to be happy over and over again, each time enjoying the little bit of relief and savoring it. Slowly the sadness itself began to become less and I was able to think of other things, including thinking of something I would enjoy. It was something small but it was something to savor and build upon. So little by little, making the choice to be happy over and over again, building on small pleasure after small pleasure, savoring each one each time, I came back to being my usual happy self.
If I dwell on what I had to give up I feel sad again. It still hurts when I think about it. But now, that hurt is temporary. It gets smaller and smaller compared to the rest of my happy life. Like everyone else, I have hurts and disappointments. Bad things happen to me and knock me off my feet. But it is in making the choice to be happy that I can get up again and enjoy my life.
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