Happiness is a choice

It sure seems like it is things that make us happy. Those things, either object or events, can seem to happen either randomly, or more often to other people than to us. What you may not realize is that you can choose to be happy.

Let me tell you a story. Recently I came to the realization that I would have to admit defeat and give up something that is very important and precious to me. In talking about it I could not help but weep and when alone I cried big sobs. I was very unhappy and this unhappiness was lasting for days. My mind kept trying to find some way to not admit defeat, not give up, to salvage something of what was so important to me.

Then I began to chastise myself. I try to teach people how to be happy and I'm spending my time being miserable. I not only felt unhappy about my loss, but also ashamed of myself. Then a small voice came to me and said, “Why don't you apply the things you know to become happy?”

That's an interesting question. Indeed, why not? I came up with two reasons. The first one is simply that I had not thought of it. I had been thinking about how to change the situation and not at all about how to make myself happy. The other reason is that somehow feeling so bad felt good. Maybe that's not quite it. A bad thing was happening to me so I should feel bad. And feeling bad was communicating to me and to others how important a loss I was experiencing. Now, having done that, do I need to keep feeling bad or can I move on and be happy?

I made the choice to be happy. Just making that choice alone relieved me of some of the sadness I had been feeling. I knew enough to enjoy that little bit of relief and to savor it. As the day went on I found that I had to make the choice to be happy over and over again, each time enjoying the little bit of relief and savoring it. Slowly the sadness itself began to become less and I was able to think of other things, including thinking of something I would enjoy. It was something small but it was something to savor and build upon. So little by little, making the choice to be happy over and over again, building on small pleasure after small pleasure, savoring each one each time, I came back to being my usual happy self.

If I dwell on what I had to give up I feel sad again. It still hurts when I think about it. But now, that hurt is temporary. It gets smaller and smaller compared to the rest of my happy life. Like everyone else, I have hurts and disappointments. Bad things happen to me and knock me off my feet. But it is in making the choice to be happy that I can get up again and enjoy my life.